Book DescriptionIt started with a stumble here or there It was no big deal I wasnt the most graceful child anyway Slurring my words - that was a big deal Of course there was one doctor One doctor led to another, and yet another They couldnt tell me what was wrong Did I have a slight stroke in my sleep? Was it lupus? Maybe it was lime disease No, no and no овкдн Three doctors didnt know what was wrong The fourth doctor, Dr Louis Pearlstein, he knew "Wendy," he said "You have multiple sclerosis " I looked at him as if he were talking to someone else There had to be another Wendy sitting in the office He wasnt talking to me He couldnt be I dont remember much about that day or that conversation While the doctor talked I felt like I was in a Charlie Brown cartoon listening to the teacher, "Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah " Sure, I heard every word he said, but I definitely didnt understand a single one of them I do remember feeling empty and alone Its a feeling that came to visit and never left That day, my entire world collapsed around me From my limited knowledge of the disease, I knew was destined to become a prisoner in my own body I was going to become the object of everyones sorrow Though I had their love, I would also have their pity I didn't want to be pitied Multiple sclerosis Those are two very powerful words Say them out loud See, they dont hold any power when you say them Their power comes the minute youre diagnosed Almost like cancer or HIV Those are powerful words, too That was four years ago and hundreds of doctors appointments later Turns out I was the Wendy the doctor was talking to that day Fortunately, I'm not the Wendy that left the doctor's office That Wendy didn't have any fight in her I really dont know when this feeling came over me One day I woke up tired of feeling alone and depressed I knew that there were people out there who were feeling the same things I wasnt alone, and I didnt want anyone else thinking they were too Were all on a different, unique journey with MS, but all-in-all, were still in this together Dont get me wrong Im not living in adream world I have days where the pain is more than I can take I have the type of MS that they call "relapsing remitting" From what Ive been told, the last MRI shows no new lesions, thats what they call remission If some MRI says that Im in remission for the time being, why doesnt it feel that way? Everyday that I feel as though I am not in remission seems to take me further and further away from it Sometimes I want to quit fighting I want to stop taking my medicines and die I have those days, but I try not to stay in that frame of mind At 39, Ill never be the woman I was when I was 32 or 30 As the disease progresses, I'm realizing that some days wont be as good as others For that fact, some weeks wont be either And I dont think long-term anymore Its not because Im afraid to die Sometimes I think its because Im afraid to live My personal crusade and the love of my husband are the source of my strength I know there may not be a cure for this disease in my lifetime, but I refuse to give up hope Even if they dont find a cure while Im alive, its what I do while Im here that matters I want to make a difference and I plan to Right now I talk about the disease that has wiped away my dreams of having a relatively normal life I talk to anyone and everyone who will listen As I mentioned before, my husband Ed is also a great source of strength I fight for him when I cant fight for myself And because he loves me so much, he fights for me when I cant do it for either of us His love is unconditional And through his love, Ive finally realized that I dont have to be strong all of the time When I feel myself spiraling out of control, he's always there to catch me when my world stops spinning My journey is taking me on a long, winding road Some days I can walk it alone Some days I have to have help Theres no shame in asking for help So let me tell you, find something positive you can hold on to So much about this disease controls us, and were at its every whim Find something you can control, whether its your actions or your attitude Dont let this disease take everything from you Surround yourself with positive people and laugh as much as you can When you have times youre feeling alone, remember youre not Im here Im Wendy.  PlaySta2005 г 71 стр ISBN 1420816861.